Home antigen tests fucking suck

It’s quite a convenience that the healthcare system everywhere just fucking collapsed with the COVID pandemic, all because of the incompetence of the powers-that-be. Not just because taking care of other illnesses might be a gigantic pain in the ass (I hope you enjoy diagnosing your cold on the phone!) but also because they leave you to your own goddamn devices doing the COVID tests all by yourself at home, which, to be frank, is quite a massive gamble.

For starters, the confusing as hell instruction booklet included with the thing that you got to figure out first. This might not be a big issue if you’re well versed with the things, but then try shoving the stick up your nasal orifice up to the roof while resisting the goddamn itch. If you couldn’t stand a doctor doing it to you, wait until a complete buffoon idiot like yourself, with no medical experience, does it on yourself.

Then waiting 15-20 minutes for the whole thing to settle in. And this is where the real bullshit comes at the end: you can give positive, which sure, stay at home for 6-7 days and do not infect anyone else… but then you can get a false positive, or maybe you could get positive or negative for one day and then the next is the complete opposite… you see, these bleeding fucking things are as unreliable as a magic 8-ball with unmotivational Tourettes phrases.

And it’s yet incredible that instead of actual professionals taking care of testing us of COVID, we have to do it ourselves this way. The Omicron variant is incredibly contagious, yeah, and it already got everywhere, I know, but if it wasn’t for the fucking private corporations keeping a stinky patent on vaccines against the wellbeing of underdeveloped countries who couldn’t afford them (ha ha capitalism bad) and the sheer incompetence of our neoliberal rulers, we wouldn’t have to do this shit.

Bottom line, these antigen COVID tests are a middle finger from capitalism. Fuck you too, capitalism.