Whenever I have a feeling for fast food pizza, I always enjoy taking an order for one type of pizza in particular: the Bacon Cheese Hot Dog pizza from Telepizza. Imagine that: aside of the usual cheese topping and the bacon plastered all over it, there’s soft, juicy bits of sausage that taste delicious to my succulent, exquisite taste. Fucking love this thing.

Some naysayers and haters will tend to say sausage pizza is for those people who swallow dicks on a regular basis. Wrong. If you think like that, nice try, Goebbels, but not everyone who enjoys sausage pizza is a dick muncher like I am. Jeez, you can remain a sex-less virgin for literally near your entire life and still enjoy sausage pizza. Because let me tell you: sausage pizza is the meal of the Gods.

Forget pineapple pizza. Forget anything that Italian pizza cuisine tells is a legit pizza. Forget even pepperoni pizza. This thing, right here, the godly sausage pizza is a titanic feast that only the Gods of Valhalla would have the priviledge of enjoying. Only somehow they blessed us by having this particular meal be delivered by trashy fast food chain corporations.

The best part of the sausage is how soft and juicy it is. A really big, fat sausage with a good taste would make a great ingredient for any pizza. Wanna mix it up with pineapple? Sure, maybe you created a godless abomination, but you’re equally as valid eating it as if you were not.

In fact, those who eat sausage pizza are scientifically proven that their average IQ is 120% above the rest of mortals out there in planet Earth. They outperform in sexual activity, too, to the point of pleasing 98% of all women and men and other gender non-conforming people on the planet. And they also are pretty sexy.

I’d honestly fuck on the first date anyone who is a sausage pizza enjoyer.

I don’t care what those posers at the Italian cuisine have to say on whether the sausage pizza is an abomination of pizza making. The sausage pizza is a godly feast that only the gods should be able to feast upon on top of the rest of mortals in the Universe. And yet we are blessed, by being able to enjoy this divine blessed feast.

God Bless the Sausage Pizza.